Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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