we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize