Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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