turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
