These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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