I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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