I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
