Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
