Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
