Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
