so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
