I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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