If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
