if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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