you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
