just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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