At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize