Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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