im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
third nipple confirmed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
