I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So. Much. Porn.
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