yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
