at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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