I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize