hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
