I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i out mim tonsoeep
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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