The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
