no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
