how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
