So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize