so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
