Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
