Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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