I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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