They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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