i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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