my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
