apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
