I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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