my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
