all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize