I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
