Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
