Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
