But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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