Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
