I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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