Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
