but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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