just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You don't make any sense
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