i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
love makes seman taste better
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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