hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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