so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
