it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
