She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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