I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
