my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
