My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
