did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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