Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
