I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
