You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
