fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
