so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh god the rape fog is back!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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