were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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