babies were throwing up all over the place
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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