just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
