Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is Oprah even human
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
