I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize