Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
