when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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