They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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