so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
